The Problem :C

I have this huge problem. (Yeah. Its funny because my last post was really happy and now im posting a problematic one. )

I am once again stuck in a stiuation where i am forced to do something i dont want to. They are joining me in this big Impromptu Speaking contest and i dont know what to do. Im scared. I cant do it. I really cant.

Well im confident that i could speak but the problem is, i dont know what to say. Im not good in forming ideas on the spot. I need time to sit down and internalize. And Impromtu Speaking Contests have stupid time limits that shall surely make me go mad. I cant. I cant.

And just think of who the other contestants will be. Theyre probably really good at this. I mean, i am still raw while theyre already cooked. Some are even over cooked.

I ask my friends. They say i should because I can. But i know myself too much. I know my weaknesses. This is my weakness. Im not good in making logical answers to tricky questions in just a jiffy. And i am about to nuts.

This thing will be on the 31st. Yes. Four more days. Whenever i remember it, i feel this weird feeling that i pretty much dont like. Its just like having a million butterflies on your stomach.
But what i feel is far worse than that. I feel like i have a billion dragonflies on my fat stomach. And i hate it.

My teacher is giving me a choice whether to join or not. But i can hardly feel i have a choice. If i dont join, its a proof that im a coward. If i do, Ill only humiliate myself.

Plus, its the same contest my sister Abegail joined in. She won a silver medal in the National Level. It makes me feel even worse. Just one word.. pressure.

My time is running out. And i cant decide. This is huge. Really huge.

A part of my brain says that i could do it.
While another part of it says to back off.
which is which?

when i opened my diary a while ago, I found this qoute written on the first page of my journal.

Have faith. Believing something is possible is to make it come true.

It hit me really hard. Its true.

*thinking*